In Which I…Ah Frick-It. Just Read It!

It’s a payday today.  The last of the severance checks from Mark’s previous employer.  Which means we are also a week or so out from giving notice of our intent to move.  It’s both exciting and a bit on the potential for freak-out-ability.  But we’ll focus on the exciting part.

Lots of changes in the works, lots of unknown, but the pieces gradually fall into place.  It really has been like that, so we figure just trusting it to continue to be that way is the best bet.  Because we like the good feeling Aha! moments way better that the angst-filled freak-out moments that don’t get us anywhere but Ickville!

That’s something we’re learning about ourselves.  We really don’t figure things out or make decisions from a place of negativity or freaking out or anxiety.  At least not the ideas and decisions we’re truly happy about.  From those low points we can’t see anything positive.  Even things we normally have no issues around can suddenly be rife with negative aspects.  Negativity births more negativity.  Thankfully positivity births more positivity.  It’s up to us to choose what to focus on.  We are learning to choose the positive more and more and to give ourselves the space we need to move out of the negative when it starts creeping in.

When we take the time to just relax and dream and talk about things we love that ends up being the times when true inspiration seems to show up.  Those good feeling Aha! moments that are like puzzle pieces falling into place.  From there they give us some direction and momentum for moving forward until the next piece comes.

In those times of anxiety, fear, doubt and just plain bad attitudes nothing good comes.  Nothing.  Oh, sure, we can start thinking about just giving up or doing all the things we’ve said we know we don’t want to do, but it’s never a good feeling to go that direction.  Not when we’ve already begun to give ourselves that space for listening more deeply to ourselves and coming to a place of allowing ourselves to explore the possibilities that really excite us.  Those are the things that truly inspire us.  Those are the things that motivate us and give us the energy to do the things that need to be done.  Like all the downsizing we are doing.  Seriously, you can not face a basement like ours from any place other than motivation and inspiration without complete despair.  Trust me, it’s a big and very full basement.

When we step back and we look at things from a positive mental space, it’s amazing what we can see.  Like exactly how many things seem to be aligning with this particular timing for change.  The lease for our place in Alki being through August, which was changed from the original timing the second year we were living here.  How the severance checks worked out to cover the essentials up through that time as well. Our State Parks Pass goes through August.  My zoo membership goes through August.  And there are other things as well.  They may seem like little things, but when you see them all together – well, they add up.   The timing is just right.  When we look at that, it gives us a little boost of faith for the rest of it to be right as well.

So, that’s where we are.  Taking it one inspiration, one Aha! moment at a time and doing our best to stay focused on what we DO know rather than what we don’t.  It’s a beautiful and enlightening process, if not always an easy one.  Not always easy because it is so foreign to our culture’s way of thinking, being and doing.  As much as we would like it not to be the case, we have a lot of our culture’s mindsets and beliefs to filter out of ourselves as we go through this process.  We made the decision to give ourselves that space to do that filtering and sorting and re-framing from the onset.  We knew we would be in a vulnerable place and we knew we needed to work through this together, just the two of us, till we came to a place of more stability in going in this rather unorthodox direction.  Unorthodox but what felt deeply right to us and for us.

Our culture doesn’t handle the not-knowing-everything, not-having-it-all figured-out all that well.  You can see that quite easily if you share your not fully formed, seemingly by the seat-of-your-pants plans with others.  The majority, though not all, will immediately start questioning you, seemingly for your own good or from a well-meaning place, but really I think it comes from those deep seated fears so entrenched in out society.  Those fears are really scary to face, even second hand through the people around you.  So the natural response is to start asking all the questions that aren’t answered, the ones that seem to need to be answered immediately for any sense of stability or safety to be possible.

When we chose to give ourselves time to answer these questions not from a place of doubt and anxiety and fear, we knew that might be unsettling to those around us and we also knew we needed to have as supportive and as unquestioned space as possible for a while.  So, that’s what we gave ourselves.  It wasn’t anything personal at those around us, even if it may have seemed so.  It was for our sakes, because we knew we wanted off the merry-go-round that we had been on for far too long.  To get off it we needed to stop spinning it or allowing others to spin it for us.   We all have our own amusement rides to ride, and they aren’t going to be the same thing for everyone and that’s what makes life so diverse and exciting.

Creating a space for ourselves these past couple months is one of the best gifts we have given ourselves.  It’s kind of like having a bunch of surprises coming our way.  Surprise! This is how it is going to happen. (You’re going to figure this out slowly and from a positive state of mind.)  Surprise!  This is where you will be living.  (You have a general location but no specifics as of yet – enjoy it!) Surprise!  And this is what you will be doing. (Patience, patience.) Only we’re the surprise-ees and the surprisers, which is kind of funny to consider.

Now we keep working the momentum of this new way for ourselves and enjoy the adventure as it unfold.  This is the adventure of life.

Now, back to that basement!  Because, hey, moving day is only a month and a half away and do I REALLY need all those baskets?  No, but that one hand-basket might come in handy…

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3 responses to “In Which I…Ah Frick-It. Just Read It!

  1. Total awesomeness! Keep it up, you two!

  2. thinking good thoughts for you, big hug!

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