Lately, beyond a few brief sentences in my journal, I’ve felt less inclined to put into writing what I’m observing in nature. Instead I am drinking the scenes before me, pulling them into me, where they are doing unknown and unseen work inside of me. I still see and note all the beauty around me, only I don’t send it right back out through my written words. I’m learning to be ok with that for now. Perhaps those scenes and how they touch me will find their way out into the world through my writing at some future time, or perhaps they won’t. For now, I drink it in, store it up and let it distill within me. I receive these gifts of beauty from nature and I am thankful for them.
That can be hard to do, to just receive. We often feel like we have to do something with what we are given and right away, especially if we see ourselves as a writer or an artist or a teacher. This time of year, though, nature is doing just that – receiving without expressing it outwardly. All those deciduous trees are pulling nutrients from their leaves and drawing them into their depths, storing them up for the winter so that come spring they have the ability to put forth energy and send something back out into the world. The earth is simply receiving the nourishment of the decaying plants and leaves and holding it, converting it in hidden places, so that come spring it has the nourishment available to it to push forth new shoots of green life.
It’s easy to over plan, over give, over spend, over do in this upcoming season of winter holidays. I’m looking to nature to help me find that balance and help me to remember to receive the nurturing gifts it and Spirit and my inner self give me. I’m also trying to learn the lesson of just receiving, from others, what is given me, even if it isn’t what I hoped for or needed. (I’m not just speaking of gifts here, but interactions, qualities of relationships and so on). I may not keep all of what I receive, there are some things I will have to let be transformed or re-release out into the world, but nature does that too and in incredibly beautiful ways. I hope to find my own beautiful ways of doing what I need to do for my own well being this season, even if it is not what is expected of me. Nature just does, just is and what we expect from it doesn’t change that.
May I be me and not let expectations from outside of me or from within me alter my being as authentic and true to myself as I can be. May I give from an authentic and ready place within myself and not beyond what I honestly can. May I store up the energies I need to and hold onto them until the time is right to release them in my own unique way. May I continue to see beauty all around me and within me. May I be patient and compassionate with myself first so I can be those things with others. May I enjoy life and this coming season in my own ways, ways that nurture me and leave me more open to the world instead of closed to it. So may it be.